I gotta say, if you’re writing a letter and it starts out, “my ex, who is a piece of shit. . .” just nope that whole situation. Throw your hands ups. Say, nah, I’m good. Hit the eject button. 

I know they ain’t related, but every time I see it, The Boys, I’m like:

Reading Kristen Stewart’s name here done reminded me, i ain’t watched Twilight this year. Anyone, everyone, watch them movies. They’re so bad they’re like hypnotizing. The next time will be my 6th, 6th time I done watched the entire series. The awfulness of em is like oxygen to me, I just wanna suck em in. Mmm hmmm. 

More warts? Nah. More rhinestones? Yeah. 

This show is nuts. He done wrapped Jerrie up in plastic like a corpse, yet he’s still alive. I don’t even know.

I’ve had em both, man. At one point, at my parents house, I couldn’t eat. I was terrified to touch the silverware. I told my mom to hogtie me and leave me in the closet. It’s wild, man; to look back on it, I mean.

The weeknd says he demands the award over deadbeat dad. Says he puts in that time at the box factory.

Noobie ass, gettin whipped. Mmm.

Look, I will videotape our dirty deeds. But honestly, i’m claiming her. Fight me in real life. I’m heavyweight, fuckin hands open. Fuckin fight me.

The Gremlins skirt and shirt, if the model is available, $500

Yeah, shit, it does get pretty racist, don’t it?

Close, innit? Huh? Why ain’t them dicks dying, ya know? And then we gotta deal with copyright bullshit. Fuckin aye.

The best version.

Ya know, even with all the jank and all the bugs, I’m still kind of envious of the PS5/Xbox owners that are playing this. I got God of War today on my ps4, digital, for $10, or $9.99. Ya know, cause Sony hates people and wants to leave your wallet with 12 fuckin cents on it.

For documentation, sure, you don’t need the music. But a movie, man, for entertainment, come on. Need that music. Elton John: frickin Rocketman. Queen: shit, we all got our favorites. Me? It’s “don’t stop me now.” Notorious BIG, it’s “Juicy.”

Hey now, I’ll ungray ya.

Dude, I done slept in an abandoned house, using candles as light and pissing on the floor. You don’t know poor till you literally ain’t got a pot to piss in.

Figured.

So, true story time: it’s summer, 2007, July, I’m outta my mind. I have come to the conclusion that anyone outside is following me and photographing me. I don’t know why they’re doing this, I call 911, tell em I need a ride to the airport. I tell em they are out to get me and I need an escort to the airport. They tell…

Eh, my opinion, everyone should go to jail for a week or two. I’m not advocating for everyone to become criminals or anything, but I really think it would make more people see eye-to-eye if they did. It humanizes these “criminals” and truly exposes how fucked the criminal justice system is.