Fiona Apple is so underrated. Her lyrics are perfection.

Actual exchange I had with a friend once:

Diabeetus can be a reeeeeal sumbitch. I’m not losin’ a foot just for a cola -
and miss me with that plain old, “Diet Coke.”

I don’t like raisins from the door anyway,so yeah...they can pass me with that.

When me and my fiancee tie the knot, we’re going to have a black AND Latinx cookout. Latinx cookout are just like black cookouts, only there’s always tortillas, there’s at least one family discussion that threatens to ruin everything for five minutes before everyone hugs it out, and you will get side eye for not…

“they put raisins in their potato salad”

I’ve got quite a few white friends and acquaintances so I’ve been to an enormous number of white cookouts. I get really nervous when they say they’re grilling chicken because as you said (and has been said numerous times) there’s a good chance the chicken is terrible.

They can’t even take the dish back home. Just gotta leave it. Everyone is monitoring to see “Who Made the Potato Salad”?

And God help you if you try to cook or bring some chicken without at least some seasoning. Nothing like being pumped for a cookout and getting some good chicken and then...lightly salted chicken.

I was invited to a white cookout once. Not a mixed one, an almost all white one except for me and a girl I was crushing on at the time. It was her adoptive family. There was no music. There was no spades. The potato salad didn’t have raisins in it, but the pasta salad did have nuts and berries. And the chicken... The…

Okay, my first two replies were Perversion so I’m buying that shit right meow. I’m towards the end of my tube anyway.

The fuel insanity is driving me INSANE. Lines at the gas stations are so intense that people are blocking the roadway!

“Mom, I’m cold.”

As a Texas native I think can weigh in on his thought process.

“So, how about I sue you, @theroot, for inciting and promoting violence against me — the next time I’m attacked?”

Black person writes funny posts about Beckys, Beckys and white knights looking for a chance to play victim are all about that like:

This never stops being gold.

These are exceptionally well done, but I still find the thirst to be on Ellen grating. I’m totally open to the idea that I’m just being a cynical asshole though.

If this were the case you’d see people in therapy as a result of their past Halloween costumes.