Why does the Sprinter have such short range?

This is good jalop.

“Again, it’s worth mentioning that here in America...this technology is bafflingly illegal.”

Michael Ballaban singing in the shower: “I like big buts and a cannot lie...”

When one roasts another for getting turned down by colleges, one must ensure to use proper grammar. Otherwise one might confuse “by” with “buy,” therefore nullifying one’s point and turning one’s statement into an object of ridicule.

Certified Texan here. While there are always posers in their bro-dozers, a real truck set up for hard work is a staple where I grew up. 

Do what the communists did: deliberately kill 5 million of their own people by starvation? That seems a bit extreme, but ok, boomer.

Must have been a satel-heavy, am I right?!

I’m a cager and I completely agree with this.

Now that’s what I want when I pay extra for the undercarriage wash!

“They look dumb enough” LOL

Well played, this is good jalop!

This humor is why I got hooked on Jalopnik years ago. Thank you for the fun read and good article!

A broken left ankle: the only jalop approved reason for wanting an automatic!

H! That's funny!

Nice use of the word “Quixotic.”

Wait, we’re going to gloss over the “‘call’ MUM” button?

Ah, thank you for explaining the origin of “goosing,” I would have never known this!

Very good thread that I’ll hop in on:

Good point! The transportation of that weapon will have to be taken into account next time we, err, I mean “the Father” sets up the next hit on #FancyKristen in the sequel to this story as she travels on her plane (spoiler alert, she releases the tigers and laughs as we all run for the hills!).