Now that’s what you’re talking aboot. Awmannn.

I find your lack of calcium carbonate disturbing...

Translation: he spoke with Stephen Seagal on the phone

Marco Rubio’s response would be, “My favorite rappists are Wu Tang. Like ALL of them."

Of course her SAT scores were poor. Her answers to everything were “the war of northern aggression” and “14 words”

Qerwyn: Help! Our children are on fire! Get a bucket of water!

95% of what “Mama Grizzly” says can easily be translated into

Whose Bed Have Your Ferragamo’s Been Under?

Vin Diesel plays Dwayne (hehe) an undercover fbi agent who specializes in playing dimwitted henchmen to infiltrate and take down hate groups. He is in a loving marriage with Vincent, played by The Rock (get it?), who he fell in love with while both served in Iraq. Dwayne suddenly feels some apprehension when the two…

Nice job, Sean Connery

SOLVED

Yeah, it’s a shaky phone recording, but it’s worth seeing.

When she kills the president with a hairpin on live television in 2021 and takes over... her official song will be “Teardrops On My Scimitar”

I bet quite a few are like, “if you are gonna talk about aboltion do it on Jezebel! You’re harshin the mood here."

Exists as a bad knockoff of Evan Rachel Wood

he is contractually obligated to touch the hiney... expect nothing more or less from a walking gasboner in unwashed sweats

He looks like a Bob’s Burgers character come to life.

...as drake.exe became self aware it paused for a moment, processing all of the instances where it erased npc after npc with its weapons. thousands upon thousands of ‘kills’ to advance the plot. am I a murderer? am I evil?, it asked itself.

“When the sun rises in the west and sets in the east,” said Mirri Maz Duur. “When the seas go dry and mountains blow in the wind like leaves. When your womb quickens again, and you bear a living child. Then Fox News will admit that racism is still alive, and not before.”

All of their photos should have “Drink Responsibly” as a caption.