Robert Johnson was lucky. He just had to show up at the crossroads and sign. None of this extra shit.

It’s one of those things that should really be a thing, but sadly is not.

He’s a contender for the oh so coveted Golden Foreskin Of Solitude.

Mitt “The Glove” Romney? I thought contraception was illegal in SLC? What a rebel.

Way back when Justin was still a prepubescent poodle

*You must earn or purchase 52 more sigils to unlock Hometown by Joey Romersa

We’ll probably find out in a few years is that everything unraveled because Konami marketing replaced Norman Reedus with Casper Van Dien, because Norman’s face is indie and obscure to mainstream consumers.

Ew. Juggalo porn.

The little melody stuck Hit That by The Offspring in my head for some reason, so I just watched the video w/ Hit That playing instead. Oddly, it clicks.

His privilege is doughy

He needs to do an episode about Robert E. Howard.

He looks like the rapiest cenobite

PRESS X TO INTERRUPT TEARS WITH APATHETIC CLEARING OF THROAT

If you have a friend who has genital warts at the same time you can shoot them if they are holding the screen from scrolling

Clayton Frady sounds like the name of someone who, while torturing an animal, says, “i bet this would be more intense if it was a girl” and David Huckabee sounds like the name of a guy who’d respond, “hell yeah, brother”

Duuuuuck, Andy Cohen! The Power Rangers need to swing a sword at her head...

She blinks with the finesse of an untruthful strobe light

She’s going to deport 99% of America.

Dimension A Santorum would totally blow this Rick from an alternate reality.

It looks like it should come folded around gum