His chin is a soft pillow for testicles. Denying it is going to cause his raquetball hair to thin and fall out.

Dave Navarro, noooo. She’s horrible. I guess he finally answered that truth or dare question posed to him back in the 90s. “Would you like... bang Hitler... if Hitler was like a hot chick? Still all Hitlery... just with like a smokin’ bod and face."

cause in their hearts they know what this is

If someone saw me smile and went “oh oh oh” I’d ask them if they were Canadian or if they needed me to call E.M.S.

I have an image of them smoking Virginia Slims while casually flipping through Sears catalogues from the 70s at a truck stop diner at 4 am

This is why I ask everybody “have you ever seen such a beautiful night?”

His is the kind you find in a second hand store.

He needs to start an Objectivist boyband named IB4U

Recite it three times before a mirror in a darkened room and you’ll see an ad for Fiona Apple’s Box Set.

Bath salts plus Walmart equals Blart

Jet Li will star in the role of cat.

Precious Beer based on the Lager Push by Sapphire.

Close, but no such luck. If she had dropped a racial or anti-gay slur they would’ve hired her before they even called her.

That like belongs in the constitution and stuff.

You forgot to end your message with, “for the likes of pewdiepie, blessed be his fame”

there once was a man from nantucket who whittled a prick from a bucket... his wife got a splinter all caught in her sphincter. he replied, "tha doeshn't haffen if yew thuck it"

Do not be enslaved to constraints of society’s shackles. Speak your own life.

Behold, the dingernail

That Gif makes Eric Stoltz look ethnic.

Haha perfection. Fitting too, since the only way he’ll get into the oval office is with a mineshaft, Jeff Fahey, and a ton of dynamite.