This is true, but

are there any pajamas I can buy that will help fund her one-way trip to Mars?

aka the section of maxim they flip past.

I would love to see some neckbeard in a fedora try to talk shit to her...

That would be Oxychemo

And over the door of the orgy (the doorgy, if you will):

who is that blue haired black woman and why are all those gold people ticked at her?

beepbeep

like a big katamari of pasty, naked people... fighting crime

She was drunk and brought her kid ...and they CALLED THE POLICE. What a fine, upstanding bunch of orgiers right there.

Also, people are only saying 'white and gold' to protect the dress from Gargamel & the NYPD.

Kim Kardashian is possessed by a dybbuk. This explains everything.

Oreos are meant to taste like cardboard and gnome semen. Not this unholy concoction.

You should be ashamed. Kanye + Scott Stapp in the same thread is like crossing nuclear douche-streams.

Press X to Jason

I was a grown ass man and I had the same impression.

Chester A. Arthur

it was like the incinerator scene in toy story 3 until dakota reached down to pluck them out of certain doom

Every time I hear those two words

that shopbaby is so cool it makes aguilera look fake.