Bill Clinton was like “he’s not really saying this shit is he?”

You know that has to come from Nick Denton in a high handed hypocritical 11,000 word treatise. He’s currently writing it while alternately masturbating furiously.

We innis bitch, finna get crunk, Panera bread dad shoes on fleek, da fuck!

On his HBO promo when he goes, “I believe that every Leo DiCaprio movie would be just a LITTLE bit better as a Matt Damon movie”

Totally. I’m going to need a really good screen cover to play this game.

It feels like Puig has only been in the league a couple years and here we have tweets from a teen Goff about him. Time sure flies.

This is a victory for everyone, it’s isn’t about which team you support. This is about the ascendance of humankind into the divine.

The flipside of that is that both of them have definitely played the game before. I saw some good things scouting wise. But they don’t look like ballplayers and their pants aren’t tucked in.

I get it, but we’ve been hypocritical assholes for quite a while now. If you think Trump made us lose moral authority you haven’t been paying attention. Fuck it, make fun of them anyway!

Those tapered sweat pants are super aerodynamic

I was about to make the same observation, but less cleverly.

I so wish they really had stolen his gun

It is sad, however I don’t begrudge him suffering along under his ridiculous contract. The contract was Ruben Amaro’s fault. And as infuriating a hitter as he has always been with his steadfast refusal to do anything but pull the ball, I would like to mention for the record that his home run stroke was one of the…

Me too. Also, I’m down to try it but I refuse to believe that spritzing water on your butthole gets it entirely clean either. What if you’ve got diarrhea or a really messy shit? You need to finish it off with paper either way. Not to mention, you would need to use paper to dry off the water anyway. You can’t just pull…

Oh yeah. I don’t necessarily condone it, but its definitely a thing. If you do a lot of anal or otherwise are going to have your asshole looked at regularly people do it so their bungholes look less bung-y.

At least he has the decency to maintain their virginity

As a Rockies fan, I freely admit that Dinger is the worst mascot in pro sports. How I loathe his rock-bedazzling

Goose Gossage does not approve of that dick slappy ball kickin’! Turn your hat around son!

The Olivia Munn love triangle aspect makes this a greenlight! Foles will be played by the Napoleon Dynamite guy and Sam Bradford by Shia LeBeouf.

Butthurt Nick Foles is losing in the polls and can’t take it! Should respect his coach! I will bring respect back to America!