The way Michelle gazes at her husband ALWAYS creeps me out.

One night my sister and I were at a bar and she was pretty drunk. She said to me, “Who is that guy over there? He’s been staring at me all night and it’s pissing me off!” It was a life size cutout of George Strait.

Oh my god my friend owned a Hilary Clinton cut out that she was planning to prank a friend with, but that I hadn’t seen. I scared the living shit out of myself borrowing her car early one morning when it was still kind of dark. The trunk would stick so I'd been working and working to get it open and then it FLIES UP…

Probably the only time a woman ran screaming AWAY from Elvis!

One year for Christmas my niece wanted one of those large stuffed animals, a gorilla. So my oldest sister (her aunt) finds one at Costco and buys it for her. Then for like the next month until Christmas, she and her son take turns putting it in weird places in the house to scare the crap out of each other when they…

We live in an apartment and Peanut once slipped out the door as a kitten and was taken in by a next door neighbor. I was in the hall being hysterical, heard his tiny meow, and she opened the door and he scampered out. She was glad to return him but longed to keep him too! Don’t blame her a bit.

Whooo’s a good widdle man? PRINCE!

Well you named him Prince, he probably couldn’t help but end up somewhat standoffish.

I think they both would have been delighted.

“Lewd balloons”? What the fuck are “lewd balloons”? Did she make some that looked like cocks?

My Bday is on the traditional Memorial day as well, but my story is sweeter. I was a young kid and horse crazy on a farm full of all kinds of animals but a horse so friends brought their big old black horse for me to ride, and it was a great treat to ride him around, he was all decked out and polished so I walked/trott…

My parents lived in the Louisville area, and as it happened, Thunder Over Louisville was going on during the weekend of both their memorial services. So both my parents went out with a bang.

I grew up a Jehovah’s Witness and wasn’t allowed to celebrate my birthday. It took a few years(due to residual feelings of guilt that are connected to leaving a cult), but the first birthday I officially celebrated with an actual party was the best one.

I miss you deerlady! So good to see you!

WINSLOW!

If it were my family, they would sort through them and take the best of both sets before returning the rest

Reminds me of the time I was about to start housesitting for a college friend and his wife (who hated me). My friend had picked me up and brought me over to their house, and about 20 minutes after I arrived, his wife came home from work, stopped dead, and glared at me. I couldn’t figure out what I had done until my…

No, she sent her poor husband to return them! Now, whenever my sister-in-law offers to host a holiday, we remind her to hide the steak knives.

I’m sorry but that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while. Did she bring the knives back or did she decide to try to brazen it out and keep them?

The finest Christmas memory was several years ago, while eating a delicious dinner, my batshit crazy sister accused my sister-in-law of stealing her steak knives. She went around the table and took all of the knives back and stormed out of there.