I read that as “He then proceeds to lick and fuck them..”

People just don’t understand how hard it is to be a boring white person. Our struggle is great.

We were married of 3 of the 10 years. Thankfully, no kids, just my love bug of a pup (I retained custody). It really sucks and it stings because he moved on so so soon. Sucks even more that I am overweight and really can’t date anyone the way he is even though we’re still “technically married.” Though, to be honest, I…

Forget Rachel-Idontunderstandlapregunta-Dolezal, someone hire her ex-fiance, Maurice Turner, a musician from Mississippi- these beautiful lovers dated from December 2012 to February 2013. In order to justify his love, he created a musical love poem entitled: FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE [so much for that], and set it to a…

2 months after a 10 year relationship is still really early. Don’t put pressure on yourself to heal any faster than what feels natural to you!

I had a in real life Christian Slater experience last week and no one I know, cares about him enough to make it worth telling them. That was hard.

Funny TMI story I can’t tell most people:

Oh god I ranted about this on my twitter the other day. About 5 years ago I had this friend who I was really close with. On her 25th birthday we went out to a bar where she met a guy and everything changed after they started dating. He was a jerk and none of us (the group of friends we were part of) liked him. She…

I got a job offer yesterday that I’m super excited about!! It feels awesome after months of sending resumes out into a black hole... they want me! They want to give me money to do interesting things! now I have time to kick back with pink wine and OITNB instead of sending out resumes all weekend. :)

So after the Raccoon Drama this week (George Coony passing and absolutely crushing me and the subsequent discovery of Matthew McCOONaghhey.) I’m happy to report I found a rehabilitation home for Matt, he’ll learn to raccoon with other raccoon babies and at least have a fighting chance.

I will forever love Angelina Jolie just for her repeat visits to Syrian refugee camps. They are low key. It’s never about her. The refugees that I’ve heard from appreciate it, and appreciate the attention that comes along with it. They need every bit of help possible, and will take it where they can, bc for the most…

Thank you. My husband’s parents shielded him from a lot of this. We watched a documentary and it showed firehoses and dogs being used against black children and he professed astonishment, although he grew up in one of the most racist cities in America (Boston). No dogs and no firehoses but plenty of housewives…

I’m guessing her closest analog would be Margaery? Uses her celebrity and gold to feed the poor—maybe not for purely selfless reasons. At the end of the day, that person who would have died if not for a piece of charity bread doesn’t care why the Queen gave him bread, just that they gave it.

O.K.???

Her self tanner situation is tragic in that photo. Spring for an airbrush tan, Paris!

The media couldn’t give two shakes about summits like this. (How often do these sort of summit meeting making it on Jezebel alone? Anyone?) But add an A list star and now you have a story. It’s sad but true. And Jolie knows this. If she is anything, she is media savvy. So, good for her for manipulating the media into…

He sounds awesome. Good for both of you!

A feel-good anecdote, with regards to getting married because you're knocked up:

my grandparents have been married for 50 years but my memaw almost left my papaw in the late 60s because she found out he was gambling all of his money away. she got a job and started saving up to leave; he realized what she was doing and begged her to stay and quit her job, and said that he would quit gambling. she…

Yeah, I roll my eyes at people who think long marriages = good marriages.