Dude, we’ve all been to weddings thrown by people who are broke. Deal with it. Be happy that you’re in a position to spend more on a throwaway gift than they do on their “greatest day”.

This times a million. It’s hilarious how the origin story of AMERICA rebranded itself as formed by people “fleeing due to religious persecution.” Religious wackos and misfit toys. Flavors enhanced by slavery.

Exactly! I even keep the cooked pancakes in a warm oven until I finish the batch so everyone’s pancakes are warm. I’m not making a decorative board with them!

I don’t understand why people talk about soaking beans as if it’s some type of hassle. You put some beans in a bowl and cover them with water. After the requisite soak time you drain and rinse them. It’s about a minutes work. What’s the problem?

Whatever GOYA provides, I buy. 

I live in Milwaukee and worked in a restaurant that some of the Bucks would occasionally visit. One really liked Shirley Temples. If it’s manly enough for a 7 foot tall professional athlete, it should be manly enough for anyone.

Is it grenadine in tonic, or in gingerale?? I always thought it was the latter. I wonder if this might be a regional thing.

If your masculinity is so fragile that two dudes eating frozen mozzarella sticks endangers it, maybe, just mayyyyyyybe, it’s not that strong to begin with.

I was assuming there is a new Applebee’s commercial that shows two guys kissing while eating cheese sticks, but I guess that could have been something he saw while eating at the restaurant. Now I’m curious.

OK fool...do Mr. Knowles-Carter next...I fuckin’ dare your ashy broke-down ass.

Not sure what made me laugh harder, the line about “some punks kissing and laughing eating mozzarella sticks,” or the idea that his wardrobe is what’s keeping Pastor Troy from winning a Grammy.

Was your generic electronic device playing anything by Dawes at the time?

I wasn’t sure if it was sponcon or not, so I ordered some delicious Hormel black label bacon to eat while I read it before remembering that I don’t eat pork products. I was so embarrassed I knocked the Energizer batteries out of my generic electronic device.

...Mr Peanut sold out his own species. Mr Peanut sold out his own species. Mr Peanut sold out his own species. Mr Peanut sold out his own species. Mr Peanut sold out his own species. Mr Peanut sold out his own species. Mr Peanut sold out his own species. Mr Peanut sold out his own species. Mr Peanut sold out his own…

Seriously - did I miss the #sponsored tag somewhere, or is this also the final death knell of the AVClub?

Is this sponsored content? Don’t they have to tell us when it’s sponsored?

Jesus christ the tweet was bad enough, but did Planters cut you a check to write this?

#Brands

What the fuck is happening

I too have a Jolly Rancher story.