My cousin used to waitress at a country club down in Georgia where Roethlisberger was a member. You’d see the same guests frequently over the summer and many of them would learn your name, but she says Ben never addressed her as anything other than “Hey, baby”. I get the impression that most of the women in Ben’s…

I switched over from my flip phone back in 2017, but both on that and the new ZTE I have, the icon showing I have a voicemail is of a cassette tape, like you used to have in your answering machine. My girlfriend (same age as me) asked why there was an indifferent robot on my phone screen.

Is the answer Jesus?

It’s like finding out you’re a carrier for some terrible genetic disease, and you have to consider if it’s perhaps better not to have kids at all than risk passing it on to them.

‘Recognizing Jesus’ is sort of a grey area, in that I recognize the image at the top as a depiction of Jesus, but not sure I (or anyone) would recognize the historical Jesus if he were walking down the street.

Speaking from personal experience, I think your kid’s sports teams allegiances might crystallize based on who between Phillies / Yankees / Nationals, or Eagles / Lions / Cowboys is good when they first start getting into sports. My mom is from New York, my dad was from Georgia. The first time I started following…

No disrespect to Amelia Earhart, but there’s no way she’s in the top five world wide. Muhammed and Mao could totally knock her off that list.

I feel like there are any number of potential creative ways to make the best of honoring the letter of that contract. Place a plaque reading, “<— Fuck This Guy” two feet away, or strew birdseed on the ground every morning until local pigeons are trained to come and shit in that specific spot.

That was the last football game I ever watched.

We all already knew it from the standings, but holy shit Boston dropped like a rock.

I like those strawberry candies, but I have never seen them for sale. I think you have to be able to prove you own a dry cleaning business before they’ll let you buy them.

I’m going with “eyes clawed out by a bald eagle” that he refuses to raise a hand against as a majestic symbol of our nation.

It took me a second to realize this was responding to bad places for grey hairs, instead of responding to the non-explicit insults.

“Fuck the Swear Police” reminds me that just last week I was walking back from the bus stop and some teens* were hanging out on the steps of the Presbyterian church blasting “Fuck the Police”. I don’t know if they thought they were bad, but mostly it just made me smile. I didn’t know kids still listened to NWA.

The airplane itself is a chore, Brian Switzer sounds like someone who really loves traveling new places. Just the chance to meet new people who speak and think and worship differently, and really immersing himself in the local cuisine and culture.

If they have no interest in sexy fireman calendars, how else are they supposed to mark the passage of time?

Just don’t press the “Death Blossom” button on the pitching machine.

If Trump had bought the Bills, they’d have gone 6-42* the past three seasons and he’d get on Twitter every week to rant about how it was the referees’ fault for calling personal fouls on his team’s gross misconduct instead of “just letting them play like they used to”, and trading away every quality player in lopsided…

Shawn thinks the rest of the world needs a recipe to put chicken fingers on a roll.