Like an offshoot of the Onion would recognize satire.

On the subject of candy-booze and screwdriver variations, there was one point in college when I hit upon the idea of just stirring Tang powder into vodka instead of mixing it with orange juice- we called it a cosmonaut. It sounded brilliant on paper, but quickly got out of hand.

I thought about that with Laserface’s comment above. Not sure if it’s funnier to imagine him promising to repeal Rahotep-Care, or chiseling his inane 3 A.M. thoughts onto a stone tablet in hieroglyphics. “Low-energy Ramses didn’t work his slaves hard enough, now has to spend eternity in a pyramid with only three sides!…

Do you know what happens to the Seahawks when the Rams call “Halle Berry” on the opening drive?

I had the idea this summer that they should let the Venture Bros. crew take over- the Simpsons has become stale because it’s been thirty years and 600+ episodes with little to upset the status quo, whereas Hammer & Publick have proven themselves adept at keeping things in a near constant state of flux while…

“Well, we stayed up all night but it was worth it.”

Others have posted a couple Bruce selections, but the one that guts me is the end to “Nebraska”, the title track on his most haunting album. It’s not much on its own, it’s the placement at the end of Charles Starkweather’s murderous rampage across the badlands that makes my the back of my throat dry up. The death and…

Scorpio at least had the twisted twin obsessions of his plot to rule the world and his employees’ health. Bezos has decided it’s easier to just focus on the first and disregard the second.

Tom Kenny, voice of SpongeBob SquarePants?

No getting off easy by croaking as soon as the walls start closing in, Warren G. Harding style.

My understanding was applying some filters on Welles was necessary so it didn’t sound like he was a week away from dying.

“Fries with Pizza” seems like the sort of thing that only happens at a shitty buffet. I probably had fries with pizza at a college cafeteria, but not since then.

That’s not what Evan Gattis and Dallas Keuchel were doing already?

Ah yes, the classic “Music from and inspired by the motion picture”. There was no place to put it in the film, but one day Michael Stipe and the rest of the REM’s went to their label and said, “You know who really inspires us? Batman.” What were the Warner Bros. to do, tell those nice Georgia boys, “No”?

Caring for your roosters during the colder months is important, but I’d rather you didn’t use such fowl language.

Margaritaville PD is too swamped with public intoxication arrests to help me crack the case of my missing shaker of salt.

I will join you provided I don’t have to go to a specific place on a specific day to do it.

For a purportedly careless person, you seem to care an awful lot about who else cares.

Jambalaya and gumbo were a couple of the first entrees (i.e. not just pancakes* or cookies) I learned to cook for myself, and the go-to music was always my parents’ copy of Creedence Clearwater Revival’s Chronicle, Vol. I. It was long so I wouldn’t have to go change the disk while stirring my roux, and it seemed…

Probably keeps it folded in his wallet next to a polaroid of Bill Belichick captioned, “DON’T BELIEVE HIS LIES”