“I had all five of your albums!”

I did not know that, but I assume it’s a joking reference to the computer programming language Ada, named after Ada, Countess of Lovelace- she was a friend of Charles Babbage, and often credited as the first computer programmer for his analytical engine.

Amateur hour. True crazies know that fonts should be switched multiple times within the same rant, sometimes within the same word, which is why it’s best to assemble them from letters cut out of magazines.

He’s “TV’s Frank”, not... “Internet Streaming Platform’s Frank”.

"I'm 37. I'm not old."

Basically, people have always been good at concocting dumb shit ideas like “you’ll get AIDS from a toilet seat” or “you’ll get autism from the mumps vaccine”, the internet just allows some dumb shits to spread their dumb shit ideas to other dumb shits who wouldn’t have thought of them otherwise.

I heard Wallace Shawn was going to order one of these for a long-awaited sequel, My Dinner With Andre the Giant

Your worm is your only emperor for diet: we fat all
creatures else to fat us, and we fat ourselves for
maggots: your fat king and your lean beggar is but
variable service, two dishes, but to one table.

“Uh, if Santa’s not real, who was I throwing batteries at?” -Equally terrible Philadelphia sports fan

Duck-billed platypus implies a platypus billed by a duck, rather than the reverse, as you suggest. Presumably the platypus hired the duck to paint his rumpus room.

Yep. Our high school cross country team would regularly go out to Spaghetti Warehouse on Friday nights, and it was always someone’s birthday, you just never knew if it was going to be yours.

You also can’t spell Mike Clevinger without “king me, I clever”. So think about that.

I think this is what happened to Mr. Monopoly on the Community Chest card. “Beauty Contest” my thimble.

Ranch dressing is shit and I am baffled by its popularity. Some sick fuck looked at mayonnaise, the Devil’s own smegma, and said, “This is gross, but it could be runnier. Better add some sour milk to it!”

I’ve never seen the King of England in the bathroom, but I have come across Prince Albert in a can.

Ewer mistaken.

That reminds me of when for our university’s parents weekend, they brought in an older comedian with cross-generational appeal. Bet they wish they could ask Cosby for that money back now.

The Monarch and JJ did get some interaction in “The Lepidopterists”, which is one of my all-time favorites.

"You will be called.. stitchface"

Hey, someone’s gotta play bass for Ted Leo.