Watching Vinny Testaverde Jr. complete a pass to Joe Horn Jr. would be the most XFL 2 thing ever.

You’re “genuinely asking” why people watch football? I’m genuinely asking why people like you bother to “genuinely ask” questions like this all week every week during football season?

This chart looks like an aquarium with a dead fish on the bottom left.

I love this narrative that the Pats make their division look weak, while they have enjoyed having two of literally the worst franchises in the NFL to beat up on for a decade. Do you know which of the three I’m considering the two worst? Nope! Because their division is THAT BAD.

I do kind of empathize with Jamil here. Like her I’m working my way backwards through history and my “Willy Brandt’s handling of the Guillame scandal cemented his place as Germany’s worst ever Chancellor” tweet isn’t holding up as well as I’d hoped. 

[watches and rewatches the clips from many angles, and at various speeds]

[converses with video replay review center officials]

I don’t even want to imagine 2 weeks of “Teacher vs. Student” hype that would be the lead up to Brady & Garoppolo facing each other in the Super Bowl. 

Things that are for real, ranked:

“This is exactly how you win a game, just run every play. Keep ‘em guessing because they’re gonna expect you to throw it eventually, but they’ll be wrong.”

As soon as the hot water and internet goes out everyone will immediately abandoned their desire for glorious violent upheaval.

Diggs: sidelined, let down, unbelievable.

Fuck HR with a rusty rake.

I can’t get over the organization being named “Authentic Brand Groups.” It’s like they intentionally chose the most Orwellian-sounding bullshit possible. 

Great read. I think theres a moral argument against replay having to do with our conceptions of fairness. (Its a bit more legal than classically philosophical but bear with me.)

Gotta say, that bank is on point with the potential frauds. Hearing “Fan requires $724 worth of beer to get through Dolphins game” sounds uncannily plausible.

Could be a couple of things. My first guess is that he’s just following along, maybe so he doesn’t get mentally rusty on the play calls. My 2nd guess is that he’s following along AND acting a bit as a 2nd QB coach and mentor for Rudolph. Not sure how I feel about that 2nd option. I tried to ask Google about this but…

This. I love the Internet.

If spearing a stationary player that is down on one knee directly in the head with the top of your helmet is not egregious, would anything short of going Last Boy Scout and shooting a player in the middle of a play be egregious?

Mark Emmert looks like a garden gnome who was granted his one wish of becoming a Republican televangelist.