Never apologize for loving Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Never.

Okay, let's do this thing.

For those who don't want to pay an outrageous sum for a wedding dress, I would suggest J. Crew.

What bomb shelter was Ben hiding in?

I guess rape victims are like potato chips — one or two is just never enough.

We're all in the same boat.

"I will not live with the guilt of someone passing away."

Taylor sure is a powerful lure.

Break out the shotguns, it's marrying time.

And, apparently, they used a picture of Stephanie Beacham for their transphobic hack job. Damn you, InTouch. Not only are you assholes but you dared to touch the sacred ground that is Dynasty.

Christ, Ellie. It's Bruce this and Bruce that. Your lacking of sensitivity towards Kris completely discounts the pain that Kris is feeling over this horrible thing that is happening to Kris' ex-husband and the father of two of Kris' daughters. Honestly. Kris.

This is how it starts. One day, its rum and coke. The next, it's the reefer and you're killing your whole family with an axe.

Monica Lewinsky's Monica Lewinsky presents Monica Lewinsky by Monica Lewinsky. Edited by Monica Lewinsky, with additional reporting by Monica Lewinsky.

Definitely no to the Hail Mary thing. That's Catholic and there are quite a few Christian-types (primarily Evangelicals) who do not consider Catholics part of Christianity.

Well, of course. If I go out in a blaze of glory, I want it to be as literal as possible. Fuck subtlety.

But there's still a Valhalla, right? Because if I'm not going to die a valiant death escorted into the afterlife by Valkyries, then my whole life has been a lie.

Okay, not the best Kelly Clarkson song. But, fuck it, I don't care. I've always loved her voice and I'm pretty sure I'd go all Tig Notaro on her if I ever ran into her.

It's hard to focus on the picture when I am deafened by the cavernous roar of her empty womb. Very distracting.

Who knew that all the sneering and eye rolls that I do on a daily basis had serious health benefits? My commute home tonight is going to feel so productive.