If only Chapman had a fast car, fast enough so he could drive away.

All depends on how you look at it. Percentage wise he’s missing about 18.5% of his teams games off the bat, and losing about the same amount in salary. 18.5% of the NFL season is under 3 games. However, time wise, he’d miss 4 games in the NFL. As a closer, he’s really only missing about 12-14 games tops. And if you…

With all due respect, what did you want out of this? If you read the link to Diana Moskovitz’s article above there was very little substantive to go off of to warrant a tougher punishment. No one witnessed the actual confrontation itself, the victim’s story changed, in the list of “undisputed facts” no mention of…

That’s why you always toast them over the coals and not the flames. Better temperature control.

Someone had to film it!

No

There has been a lot of talk here in Louisville about Richard taking over for Rick. I think it would be a great fit. We need someone who will jump on the horse bareback and ride us forward, even with a cowgirl on board. Someone who will go balls deep into tactics. A coach that stays focused through the whole game, not…

True story: When my brother was nabbed with his DUI, he was sentenced to community service. At the local zoo. Feeding the wolves live baby chicks. They’d hand him a basket, and he was supposed to just scatter the chicks to the wolves. They suggested he call out “pup pup pup” to get the wolves running for their…

No questions about the rotation this year. Yankees already put together one solid battery.

I’m glad aroldis doesn’t think severe emotional distress is “not harming his girlfriend.”

“I want to be clear, I did not in any way harm my girlfriend that evening.”

All I did was fire a bunch of bullets within earshot of her! She’ll be fine.

And then you probably end up trying to win Brittany’s love in a ski competition, before realizing your good friend Denise was the one you should have been with all along.

this is a bad take

Think of how many teenage proposals there are. Teenage boys are fucking nuts. They’d marry anyone for a free blow job.

This hostess goes to seat someone, you scan the list while she’s gone, easy.

I'd ask the manager to send my bill over to "Mom". I'd tell him I'll pay up, not to worry. Just to see what "Mom" will do if presented with her "son's" bill.

The best use for a marshmallows is to keep the little snotfactory quiet while I push him in a cart 6 miles through the grocery store, retracing my steps 17 times because my wife cant make a list that is any sort of discernible order, even though we’ve been shopping at the same grocery store for 10 years

One thing we know for sure is that the Bronco in Bronco 2.0 MIGHT look like this: