Oh yeah that’s the good stuff.

I think that’s a very reasonable take.

You hear that? Nick Martin has a nice new clean apartment...LADIES.

You have my sympathy for the Chuck-E-Cheese part. Good luck! And happy birthday to the young Burneko!

I just want to say thank you for allowing me to have this username for this long. I honestly thought it was gonna get shut down pretty quick because of the logo and how close it is to “Deadspin staff”. You guys are pretty cool and I get a lot of enjoyment out of this site. Thank you for that. To end with a…

So how does this work? Like, if you guys get shut down is someone going to tweet out the remaining teams? Or do we still have a few months before a shutdown is possible or something?

You should try peanut butter and American cheese on a hot dog sandwich. I bet that would be even better.

Hawk (n.) - The sound the smokers with COPD who come to the casinos to blow their disability checks at the slot machines make into a tissue.

I have two younger sisters. Both have been selected for our high school’s athletic hall of fame. I don’t stand a chance. I feel you bro.

You didn’t see her, but she saw you. She saw you coming from miles away.

So you’re saying you would be willing to make out with Joey Chestnut prior to him competing?

We have perfected the arts of shooting, kicking, and flipping out.

Soccer players would probably have the softest hands for the water balloon toss since they never use them.

Ha! +1

I wish he’d just come out and say it. “We all hate this guy. He’s a prick of the highest order. I don’t want to play him ever again and I’m pissed we have to even keep him until Friday. He’s played like hot garbage all year and it’s a joke to even have him in my dugout.”

Did you know there is an American female fencer wearing a hijab in this year’s Olympics?

I don’t think that one is winnable. So don’t feel bad.

Oh it’s a great one. You can get choked out by a semi-nude fellow wrestler while covered in oil.

This reminds me of quite possibly the greatest “Choose Your Own Adventure” book ever written:

A history of oral with Manti Te’o’s girlfriend: