Sir, I assure you the President’s penis is orange.

*Don’t get onto a full bus with standing room only and immediately drop anchor because putting your stuff on the wheel well cover makes the front of the bus a cush location. Keep walking until you run out of room so more people can get on. This is especially true if you’re carrying a snowboard and I need to get by you…

* Don’t stand in front of the last empty seat on the bus. You’re not helping by leaving it empty! And when people push past you to get into the last empty seat on the bus, don’t get all surprised and snitty about it!

Learned this in Chicago (15 years ago, mind) but I suppose it works anywhere: if a rush-hour train is running behind schedule, it has to pick up more passengers, which slows it down more. Meanwhile, the train behind it has fewer passengers to pick up, and so runs faster. Therefore, if the train you’re waiting for is…

For NYC, if you are just visiting, you might not realize how walkably close something is. I’ve found that many times, taking the subway will take longer and you’ll end up walking almost as far as if you had just walked directly to your destination. (And, of course, for easy calculations, remember that it’s 20 streets…

Or their their attempt to clap back at critics with their “Dawg Victory, Doubters Ambushed” campaign after they finally got a win.

Can't be any worse than their callback hashtag to Bring Back Winning.

Ok, let’s not get carried away. They’d be lucky to just cover. #bbc

“If we don’t build the wall, how do we know it doesn’t exist?”

Easy to focus on revenge when you’re not worried about the ‘Zards, ‘Tics, or making the ‘yoffs

Right, but those Spanish friars had an army behind them operating under a Papal dictate to forcibly convert the natives. If he really thought he could duplicate that feat on his own . . . 

Breaking News: Researchers at Purdue University confirm discovery of only known appropriate use for vertical video.

Oh man, just about any third-party podcast player is better than the Apple Podcasts app. If you’re worried about TOS and privacy policies, Overcast is for you.

They are so HOT right now with the designer work clothes, gilded age facial hair, and shit beer crowd.

I live in Portland. I stopped commuting by car and now bike because of how slow people drive here. At least on a bike I keep pace with traffic.

I have. I don’t consider is the northeast, I consider it the rural south.

This is Gob Bluth shit

Maybe I am the minority but I prefer women who don’t like makeup. The excuse that makeup helps build confidence is a lie in every way imaginable.

Nobody asked. Not everything is about you and your child.