He did it all for the crookie.

They could be Subway!

We don’t even need the last 5 words of your post!

So no, there’s not even a grain of truth. Nice job negating your “fun” premise. 

Pretty generous with the j word there.

Compared to other cocoa powder, Dutch-process cocoa powder has lower acidity, which means higher pH. Lower pH = more acidic, just as stated in the Serious Eats post linked above.

+1

“good kinja”

I’m not sure “journalist” is applicable here. 

That sounds like ice cream as punishment. 

Time to take up making ice cream as your new hobby.

Raisins lack even one single redeeming value.

Because of the motherfucking raisins, of course.

How many of those orange “cheese” chumps knew about bleu cheese in the first place?

Might as well give that pig in the greys the finger, too  

The pig really is the most delicious animal. 

Correct. Neither are sandwiches.

Homeopathic quantities couldn’t hurt, right?

Some people only learn through experience.