Wet brining is a pain in the ass. Salt that thing two days in advance & call it good. Have a side of pickles and enjoy the time you didn’t waste fucking around with a damp bird & gallons of salmonella brine.

Misusing a knife is dangerous!

Kinda weird that you’d go to work for them less than a year later.

Surprisingly, America’s Test Kitchen has Tostitos ranked as its top tortilla chip. That’s absolutely insane, if you ask me.

Who’s got two thumbs & hates shrimp?

Thanks for taking care of that.

There’s some trash in the greys that you might want to take out, Dennis.

I think the Root takes the prize for quickest descent into abject trash - they completely collapsed. There was no gradual decline, it was nearly as abrupt as the mass quit at Deadspin.

For that authentic matinee experience! 

Here’s your shit sandwich:

Some of those chunks must be cheese, not fruit, if that has a place on a Wisconsin table. 

If you want to be taken seriously, you gotta commit.

They’re about as nuanced as a Long Island Iced Tea, and I don’t feel bad about writing off the entire category as terrible. There are far more enjoyable manners of acquiring diabetes.

What were you wearing?

Thanks.

Were they objecting to the choice of cocktail, or simply the existence of a choice?

Your bartender might also ask you how you want your old fashioned made, the options being “sweet,” “press,” and “sour.”

Nah, more akin to soy sauce as a fortified wine.

You could just state that you didn’t read the post.

I’ve had the chance to try a few different vintages (someone else was footing the bill, so why the hell not).