higher than giraffe balls

A classic!

Are you always incredibly drunk when you post?

Those critters = free extra toppings, whether you want them or not 

I’m in the “Walmart fucking sucks & is bad for America” camp, so I would never go there. No idea what Walmart TLE is.

(It’s a good thing those women were A-cups; a glass molded after my boob would hold enough gin to kill Gatsby himself.)

“Subway, we do other things everything badly.”

I automatically think of SNL’s Hans & Franz (Carvey & Nealon) anytime I see or hear either name.

Wait, is it Heloise or Letterman that’s unfamiliar to you? I think you’d appreciate her.

Your kitchen must be gross if you’re that concerned about this. 

There’s a reason I didn’t bother spelling it with the J.

Been there, done that, didn’t die.

I’m sure the author doesn’t know what the fuck points are, given the reference to “diesel gas”. Taking a severe-duty rig for service at Iffy Lube seems like an excellent way to shorten its lifespan anyway.

This is the only cheddar popcorn that matters. 

Chunky or smooth, you can still put it in a mug. Not a challenge. 

I see your soup & raise you a whole lobster.

Loud pipes announce that the rider is a fucking idiot.

My standards are relatively low - my last two daily drivers are an ‘02 Volvo V70 (base model - 3 pedals, no turbo, FWD only) with 208K miles & an ‘87 244DL retired at ~375K.

I was wondering WTF you read!

While I agree with your first point, your second is irrelevant here - skiplagging involves flying only the first leg of a one-way ticket. No one’s attempting this with a round-trip.