OK, now I just want to hear Dana Gould bring this to life.

You’re implying there was demonstrable effort to save.

The Brasilia was not the same car as the 411.

That would involve FAR more effort than this so-called writer puts into any of her contributions here.

Lifehacker posts with the byline “Elizabeth Yuko” have a 100% probability of being garbage. 

C’mon man, be serious. 

Depending on just how (not) long ago, they may have objected to 16 year old you interacting with it in any way. 

The convenient Wendy’s location I finally gave up on balances them out by never, ever salting their fries.

She says that to me, too!

Jif = crappy peanut butter, not an image format!

Nothing?

There’s plenty of FloridaMan in many Texans.

No one has ever associated Subaru with prestige or luxury. 

You choose to stop at Taco Bell for dinner, I’m paying you in gas whether you like it or not. 

I like that they could only manage to dig up a photo from 2013. Sure speaks to the contemporary nature of the issue!

You know what’s even easier than figuring this out? Not having kids in the first place.

Yeah, except these people nearly always wait until the entire order has been rung up before starting their routine.