“Oh no! My freedom of speech had consequences!”

So, I’ve only been watching baseball for a couple of years. Why do players do this?

This is Deadspin’s version of the Onion’s mass-shooting article.

I highly doubt that. Dude went 3-1 with Garapolo/Brisset and 11-5 with Matt freaking Cassel. I think he’d be highly motivated to show what he could do without Brady.

But it’s older and has more miles.

So is the Titans’ insistence on drafting and signing wide receivers with flippers where their arms should be.

“Stefan, what do you have to say about the doubters after your half-pitch header?”

“FCUM.”

I saw you mention in a previous question that you had a buffet at your wedding and made sure you got seconds. I’m getting married next year, and multiple couples have said some variation of, ‘Don’t expect to eat the food at your wedding.’ How much bullshit is this? Yes, there’s a lot going on, but if I’m going to…

Roller coaster operator. “YOU GUYS READY?!” [Massive screams] Running Apollo’s Chariot makes you the rock star of Busch Gardens.

I’ve never once had a mirror stop working while driving.

“What if we made the Golf more like golf?” - Visionary

“grow your penis 7 inches with this technique.”

2.) Mike “Mikey Rulebooks” Pereira was actually very tickled by the introduction and loved the nickname. 

How did you miss “penetration in the backfield”?

Kansas looks like they’re getting better under Miles and Vandy, like Kentucky, has a decent team every 4 years or so.

I literally fell asleep during the commercial break between the 10th and 11th and woke up to the crack on Correa’s bat.

Now that he’s married, he’s finally free to score at will.

In a sport where where the mildest of grievances and infractions are settled by humming fastballs at the batter’s torso, what exactly did you expect?

Looking forward to Blaser being plunked by the Yankees in Game 3. That’s how this works, right?

The 0-16 Dolphins should get an automatic Wildcard spot to lose a 17th game to completely negate the ‘72 season.