But what type of soup is on the children's soul-menu?

Meh. Millions and millions of families never go to restaurants fancier than Applebees. When I was a kid, the only restaurants we ever went to were Pizza Hut or the local Mexican joint (and only occasionally). Because that's what my family could afford. "General society at large" looks a lot more like Applebees…

His hair was perfect…

Cooking Kids
**blows dust off cover**
Cooking For Kids
***blows more dust of cover**
Cooking Forty Kids

Wait…do we criticize European food? Aside from sweet breads and horsemeat? Don't most Americans enjoy European cuisine? I'm confused.

Someone should barge into their safe spaces to show them how to spike a Taco Bell squishy.

I used to have a mix CD called The Ultimate Butt Collection. FBG was track one. My personal favorite is Da Butt by E.U. I'm a sucker for call and response.

This is sort of like the House on the Rock except…no wait…it's exactly like the House on the Rock.

I was on fleek once…then they changed what fleek was…

"Clubbing" is not a verb unless the object of the sentence is "baby seal."

He raises an interesting point: there is a class of diners that always order the cheapest thing on the menu and never ever orders an expensive bottle of wine with their dinner, are more likely to be disruptive and leave a mess as compared to the rest of the clientele. We call those diners "children." For some reason…

Well an African swallow, maybe. But not a European swallow, that's my point.

The French embrace this concept and kids there are taught to enjoy a variety of foods…and cigarettes.

Sometimes as a parent your need to make sure your child's biological needs are met overwhelms other considerations

We always used to use the existence of a children's menu as the litmus test for whether we should be bringing our children to dinner with us or ponying up for a babysitter. If there is no children's menu, leave the tykes at home.

No. But when I was a kid, I thought I hated all Chinese food and Indian food. It's turns out that I love Chinese food and Indian food, its just that my parents were terrible at making Chinese and Indian dishes at home. My folks learned how to make something they call "chicken curry" from a British woman and it was…

I also don't support homophones (just to be on the safe side.)

It's like "Murder, She Wrote."

I strenuously object to turning films into live action tv play things.

Now I want a Hervé Villechaize tattoo.