After a series of escalations, the punchline of every prank is apparently “Actually, you are still unemployed.”

The case will now go to the district attorney’s office, which will hopefully decide that this is too embarrassing to take to the mattresses.

“Sir, we’re losing altitude!” “Engage bottom rotor!”

100% agree. I’m white and almost got my ass kicked at a gas station in Chatanooga, TN because my hair was dyed red and my girlfriend was a punk. The crew looked exactly like those fucking hillbilly’s occupying that bar. Most scared I’ve been in my life.

Yeah, they’ll find something to set them off. “Lookie thar boys. He’s got glasses AND he wipes his mouth with a napkin.” Or “Ooooh, look at Mr. Noun-Verb-Agreement over there.”

Sure, noooow Draymond resists the urge to smash someone in the balls...

Personally, I find it very hard to believe that the NHL would be quiet about a painfully embarrassing association between the Bruins and the loud trumpeting of racism and misogyny and it really runs counter to what I’ve always felt that hockey was abou-

If you think 8 feet away is in her personal space, you’re a fucking idiot.

Bye bye Miss American Pie drove my Ford to the Fjord but the Fjord was dry.

He typed “John Bolton” into the search function and found a bunch of pictures of feckless Hawks.

You say that but I think I pulled my neck yawning earlier today

You must use very different baseballs than the rest of us.

A quick search shows that there’s plenty of people who like to run and jump like horses, the most famous of which is Anna Salander

“We need to move this large rock. What should we do?”

As a Metro Detroit TV viewer who gets CBC as part of the standard cable package, I’m pretty sure that “at a wake” guy is Jim Treliving, one of the co-hosts of “Dragon’s Den”, aka the “Shark Tank” of Canada.

Lighten up Jim — you’re rich!

It’s something special when someone like me, with a vertical jump so small you couldn’t slide a credit card under my feet when I jump, got to laugh at a top-echelon millionaire athlete miss a dunk.

Somebody who forced a Gold-Glove shortstop to third base when acquired by his team while putting up some of the worst defense ever at that position has the same right to talk about accountability as our current president has to talk about morality.

Vampire Weekend’s discography is the official soundtrack of gentrification  

Oxford University was founded in 1096 and I’m pretty sure the urban legend essay answer gag:

thank you for that.  people that know what they’re talking about are VERY MUCH AGAINST transgender people fighting biological females.  It’s really not okay.  Somehow these SJW’s are okay with their buddies being exploited for the sake of the controversy and are okay with throwing a female into a cage with someone…