The scary thing is that he also cut his break lines so that he couldn’t stop even if he wanted to. 

I love going into shops and telling them how I want to feel. They’re pretty good at making matches for me. If you want to giggle and just forget life for a bit, I highly (heh) recommend Golden Goat or Blue Dream. Willie’s Reserve sativas are amazing. Turns out that guy knows his weed pretty well, hmmm.

i, for one, will never play in the NHL as long as they keep goons like Wilson around

This is exactly why I don’t play in the NHL. Too dangerous 

Gas station sushi ?

My vote is gas station chicken salad 

Holy shit, if you can’t trust football coaches & Catholic priests these days who can you trust?

That's a Euro step- Brexit style.

WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK ABOUT THE KIDDS?!

The spooky twist is that life is meaningless and then you die!

Sung to the tune of “The Heat Is On”:

She was probably scared because he brought out velveeta and called it cheese.  

Waiting for the day when I never see an image of this rainbow snow cone tattooed rapist clown face again, the filthy piece of shit. All the punches forever.

That could be taken a number of different ways, depending on how you say it. It could be said in a creepy way or it could be said in a humorous way. Also, intent is not bullshit. Intent is everything.

I wonder if I’m still ungreyed!

He really hates these cell phones!

Am I the only one who thinks this is Dwight in a wig, just trying to create some buzz for himself?

They had sage but need more thyme.

Surely this can’t come as a surprise to Deadspin, which has quite a bit of experience with ignoring allegations against men named Howard. 

“The trash store called...they’re running out of YOU!”