I <3 the pomegranate-tinted Burt’s Bees chapstick! Several friends with different skin tones have borrowed mine and it looks great on everyone! It’s basically just a light/sheer red-toned chapstick :)

She probably also thinks that goddamned dress is White and Gold.

Our wedding wasn't "screwed up" by this—the majority of the guests had no idea that it happened and we didn't let it keep us from having a good time—but it was definitely my father-in-law, his wife and step daughter/her husband/her best friend, the grandma on that side, and my brother-in-law, for leaving immediately…

At least you don't need much shampoo.

I'm going to call all my desserts "skinny" and all my meat foods "burgers!" VEGETARIAN WEIGHT LOSS, HERE I COME!

I'm not even kidding when I say I might name my daughter, should I ever have one, Ruth Beverley. Ruth for this BAMF, Beverley for Canada's less-awesome-but-still-a-baller Chief Justice.

This man is to literature what Thomas Kinkade is to art. With the repugnant, bigoted, asshole attitude to match.

I have an idea. What if I dumped my coffee all over my desk, drove my car through the front window of my office, tore open my shirt, and screamed "WU-TANG AIN'T NOTHIN TO FUCK WITH!"

bcc: Katie Holmes

I cannot support that last paragraph enough: if you're one of those people who's obsessed with planning a wedding with no spouse in sight, JUST THROW A FUCKING AMAZING PARTY. You don't need this Marry Yourself nonsense, or to latch onto someone you won't be happy with. I repeat: JUST THROW A FUCKING AMAZING PARTY.…

So is Bill Hader playing the Sigourney Weaver role?

Interesting juxtaposition on the Deadspin homepage in which this is followed by a post titled "Help! There's Smoke Coming From My Tailpipe! What Does It Mean?"

subpar does not mean what you think it means.