I don’t know if I can trust his assessment. Every time he says something is going backward, it’s really moving forward.

My dad threw an actual party the day Reagan died. I remember him calling me, already half-drunk, and screaming joyously “He’s dead! He’s fuckin’ dead! Come over!” When I arrived, he had a mini-keg tapped and his bush hat on.

Here is my (probably cockamamie) theory:

All joking and clever Tweets aside... how the fuck can anyone- with a straight face- say the San Bernardino attack wasn’t covered by the media? It was literally the lead story every day for about two weeks... and then was a story AGAIN with Apple’s refusal to unlock a fucking phone. DONALD TRUMP HAD STRONG OPINIONS OF…

The photos of the bloodbath are beginning to now surface:

A cab driver almost hit me on my bike two years ago when I had to swerve to avoid a pedestrian who stepped into the bike lane on Bleecker. He also honked his horn. The press never reported anything about it.

It’ll be amazing because Mark is going to play the roles of Tom Brady, Danny Amendola, Julian Edelman, and Rob Gronkowski.

I used to feel bad that Len Bias died. Now I blame New England fans for the War on Drugs.

Trump credited much of the Patriots’ comeback to their rookie wide receiver ——Frederick Douglass— who has been doing some great things lately, really great. People are recognizing his contributions more and more each day. Just fantastic.

Also, President Trump made an outstanding catch to keep a Pats drive alive. The ball was tipped, he was surrounded by Falcons players and it looked like the ball hit the ground. Upon further review, it was revealed that President Trump’s massive hands prevented the ball from hitting the turf.

I don’t care what athletes think about politics, but I do think that sometimes what a politician feels about sports can say a good deal.

Fuck that shit.

Stop. Can you just enjoy sports without reporting to some kind of performative, overwrought agonizing?

Seriously, no one cares about how hahd it is to be a Pats’ fan today.

Let’s not forget that a man who grew up in New York who is a bandwagon fan of a Boston sports team is our president. We have elected literally the worst sort of person.

The woman in the Brady jersey giving giving a handjob on the train didnt look too discriminating, honestly.

Even their booing of Goodell is tainted. Everyone else hates him because of bullshit like punishing weed worse than domestic violence, covering up CTE, or arbitrary bullshit like punishing players for celebrating or wearing the wrong shoes.

This is a really horrible take.

In 2025, him and Peyton Manning will have wheelchair races on The Ocho.

For every golf club they add, they must remove two bones.