[salivating]

"As World Series MVP, Chevy would like to award you with a VAN down by the RIVER!"

When made to endure jokes about hair removal it's only natural for a beard to get quite uncomfortable.

Jesus, Deadspin. If you're going to fuck over Jeter to this degree, the least you could do is give him the gift basket.

Update: Mike Tyson Elected Mayor of Toronto

Once upon a season dreary,
while I pondered a weak secondary
And dreams of many quaint and curious playoffs of forgotten lore
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came thunder clapping,
As of reporters fap fap fapping, fapping at Ray of yore
What murder? Sell some jerseys! Bilk the fans! Forget the gore!

I think he was just scared that finger gun was real

Lacky: "Welker popped Molly"

Wow, Lego sets are so lifelike these days.

Despite all his indignation, he's still just a small mammal in a fenced-in area.

I read "Bob Costas taking some swings" and kind of automatically assumed that someone was keeping him juuusssst out of reach by palming his forehead at arms length.

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF HIS FUCKING THUMB

So last week I was hungry. Hey cabinets, whatcha got? A whole lotta nothing. Man I hate it when you're Jonesing for some sweet eats and your casa is serving up a big old plate full of nada. What's a boy to do? I went to my room to find some duds and kicks and woo boy that place is a rat's nest. There's old clothes,…

Well, this just made some legless African's day.

White Flight

So. Until this, I was of the opinion that Jerry Remy shouldn't have to suffer for his son's sins, and shouldn't be taken off the air unless he wanted to go. But after reading this exposé, I'm not so sure anymore.

[hears the news]

13.1.1.1 Time Period for Off-Campus Contacts—General Rule. Off-campus recruiting contacts shall not be made with an individual (or his or her relatives or legal guardians) before July 1 following the completion of his or her junior year in high school (July 7 after the junior year in high school in women’s ice hockey…