“We can neither confirm nor deny the existence or nonexistence of a criminal investigation until such a time as a person is charged with a crime,” said Hamburg Police Chief Gregory G. Wickett.

Glad to see Lennay Kekua has found a new beau.

Oh god, please let something else happen in sports today.

I think we all know how this ends: Beltre caps off a stellar, yet underrated, career with enshrinement in Cooperstown. Then at the celebration dinner, some dope makes the mistake of touching his head and Beltre gets two years for assault. Sad, really.

I can’t remember the last time I was that happy about a regular season home run. It was like 40,000 people spent 4 hours collectively hugging him, and then he did that.

Been watching the Mets long, long time. I can think of a few games that were more exciting than tonight’s. Not many, just a few. Atta boy, Wilmer. Atta boy.

this person comes around once in a blue moon

You know what really stinks? He shot the video in portrait mode.

“Damn it, Jenrry!”

Dude, what are you talking about? Toni Braxton’s voice is angelic. It has much better range and tone than anything Beyonce could put out. I’d easily put that CD way ahead of anything Creed ever came out with.

“Yeah, I hit like .350 in my little league, want my numOH HOLY SHIT WHERES MY MOM I JUST CRAPPED MY PANTS!”

This is exactly how you end up living with your auntie and uncle in a town called Bel Air.

Not all of them by a long shot. Just the ones who he couldn’t threaten into silence. I’m sure Cosby’s actual number of victims is probably in the 100’s. He’s likely been doing this since he was a teenager. He’s 78, that’s 60+ years of victimizing.

Well the whole thing is way better. At first you assume he called all Dominicans stupid but you just find out he thinks the whole DR has a poor education system. Which is while an asshole thing to say is pretty true.

That’s a married bear that tried to hire a gay prostitute! He’s not a good bear!

Bartolo Colon calls a 20-pound bag of dog food and a nap “Wednesday.”

Sisqo burn, man!

What a strange Hill to dye on.