“I gotta lotta love my sperms. They’re close personal friends of mine, but THEY GOTTA GET OUT!

“To me, it’s preposterous, I’m cumming, things of that nature”

Nope, you’re stuck with me, baby-cakes  

Oh how I wish he and Ellie would get into a Twitter fight.

and unmitigatedly

Does Kinja have the ability to ban people?

When the writer references Elgort being mentioned on Jezebel staff writer Bobby Finger’s excellent podcast Who? Weekly

i bet he climaxes loudly

I’ll pay. I’ll watch. I’ll be embarrassed the next morning that I did either.

I associate big nose and big dicks

Maybe.

Deford’s ability to combine eloquence & deeply thoughtful commentary with a lack of pretension was truly uncanny.

Gwyneth Paltrow literally says anything...

“Women, in general, get a lot of pushback, especially if you’re successful and attractive.”

Jesus Christ, those opening two lines, just...Jesus. Straight out of the hack handbook.

Props to Barry for the Plaschke burn

“We’re here to honor both baseball’s unwritten rules and America’s fallen heroes.” - New Era Cap Co.

I can’t even tell the teams apart because of those stupid fucking uniforms.

Price is Right Games Ranked?

I find comfort in the fact that my children will have no idea who Bill Simmons is when they are adults.