I hear this. But I also know that a teenager who has likely been pushed to achieve her whole life and encouraged to apply for great schools is unlikely to see paying for her college as a favor. Most parents are getting something out of their kid going to an elite school and would throw a huge fit if the kid wanted to…

In one particularly memorable dream, Julianne Moore and I were married. After an apocalypse, we found an abandoned four-lane highway that snaked through some bland hills and cornfields (this was very much like The Road; I think there might have been the threat of organized groups of cannibals or killers, too). At one…

I may be too late for the party, (sidenote, would give Alan Rickman a HJ any day, no matter how ungrateful he was). This story is sort of NSFW.

I was in my elementary school cafeteria going at with two guys while a large group of people watched. The catch? WE WERE ALL PLAYMOBIL PEOPLE.

NOT A SEX DREAM BUT LAST NIGHT I DREAMT I TURNED THE CORNER AND A BUNCH OF PUPPIES WERE THERE I LITERALLY GOT OVERWHELMED WITH PUPPIES THEY KNOCKED ME ONTO THE GROUND AND STARTED LICKING MY FACE AND I PETTED THEM FOREVER UNTIL I WOKE UP IT WAS BETTER THAN ANY SEX DREAM OR ACTUAL SEX I’VE EVER HAD.

A few years ago, I dreamed that I was at the mall with a friend— one who only existed in this dream. As we were walking past the pretzel place, she turned to me to ask, “Hey, don’t you want to go in Claire’s?” I am a black man in my (at the time) late-20s: I do not have a single piece of business in Claire’s, however…

I met a friendly scientist studying ants. I helped her with an experiment, so she altered my DNA with ant genes as payment. But the ant genes made me grow ant eyes. They let me see the world as an ant would. She looked amazing. Her hair looked like a rainbow made out of fire and her skin shined pink and then blue and…

Just to clarify, I would not fuck Ditto the Pokemon.

We were both Orca Killer Whales.

You see Tommy Wiseau’s ass one too many times but otherwise no not that upsetting.

As a londoner born and bred, I have yet to come across marauding muslims trying to whip and beat anyone. Or, for the record, places where non-muslims can’t go or where sharia law exists as some people seem to believe exist.

OK, here we go... As a former soldier in the British Army, who served with the 7th Armoured (you know, the Desert Rats?) in the desert in ‘91, as well as Northern Ireland, Bosnia, Belize, Kosovo, and a number of African nations including Sierra Leone and Somalia (is that enough dick waving? I could go on) I am going…

Having read your work, I can't say I'm surprised.

God, it must really be awful for those creators to have a bunch of people on the internet making assumptions about their intentions and criticizing them publicly. Good thing it’s only on twitter though, imagine if there was a whole app, just for that!

Seeing a lot of people calling her racist but she has been open about how much she loves her daughter. She has also been open about the fact she felt unprepared to raise a child with different cultural needs to her.

Yea, I’m from the midwest, have plenty of friends who love hunting. Legit hunters fucking *HATE* people that disobey the basic rules and dignity of hunting, because it makes them look terrible.

Mary Fallin signed a law requiring welfare recipients to get drug-tested to receive food stamps. She talks constantly about self-reliance, personal responsibility, and cutting government waste. It’s rather noteworthy that her children are living on the taxpayers of the state, in an arrangement that in Christina’s case…

Plus! Plus! If you read through the actual transcript, all three of these kids seem incredibly brave and willing to stand up to the judge (WHO IS SUCH A FUCKING BULLY IT’S UNREAL) and to their dad, who is just standing there, not doing shit. At one point, after the 15-year-old is taken away, the 9- and 10-year-olds…

I’m a family law attorney, and my office has been up in arms about this all week.