This is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Fuck street runners. “Oh the road is softer on my feet!” No, I hate you.

Some people have trouble separating sex from love and other people seem to have trouble separating emotional vulnerability with sex/love.

I can’t believe George Lucas drives a motherfucking Jeep.

Remember that time I kept getting told I had pneumonia and my back pain was “unrelated” and we don’t know what’s causing it, but take some Aleve we guess, and then I was diagnosed with STAGE IV CANCER? hahahahahahahafuckyoudoctors

I have a hard time believing that an artisanal, locally-sourced, hand-crafted, gluten-free, organic, bean-to-bar chocolate maker would misrepresent their product in this way.

I’m currently 33 and am completely independent save the $50 birthday check I get each year. At least I thought I was, until a few days ago when my father suggested kicking me off the family cell phone plan and I reacted as though he had asked me to sell my kidney.

she got punched in the face a bunch

Doctor’s also report that he was able to remember to “Pass it to Kobe.”

I figured it was a scar caused by the friction of the giant brass balls of the crew of the tanker dragging down the runway.

The mark on the runway isn’t from the f4, it’s a result of the pilot’s pants finally exploding.

“I am Legend.”

So is a doucheschooner like a douche canoe, but worse? Is there an established hierarchy of douchebaggery I can consult?

The scammer needs a punch in the throat just for using the phrase “easy as pie” with such a bullshit complicated order.

He probably also wouldn’t support financial support for her when she needs it to sustain a child and the psychological counseling of it.

If you kill me, I won’t be able to tell you where I hid the beer.

My only regret is I can only upvote your comment once.

Lil Wayne suffers from a seizure disorder (as well as opiate addiction) so I'm guessing that's what the med equip is for.