I think we’re all concerned about them filming the sequel in the white house.

so this is a video game trailer? you could have said

touchdown! get it? GET IT???? BECAUSE I MADE MY OWN JOKE TOO.

you are saying:

I could have written this article and answered this question with one word.

you, or your editor, wrote that headline. you put words underneath it. think about that when you are at thanksgiving dinner explaining how important your work feels.

what if say, there was a UNION, which described the fees these workers were paid? So that a bunch of FIT dropouts weren’t responsible for negotiating the salaries of a whole industry?

It frustrates me that every 4 years, a group of unrepentant jaggofs are given a platform to discuss how they think their god should write laws for everyone.

you are the best ever

One approach: be greatful for the love of the people in your life and the knowledge that some of them would show up to celebrate your commitment to another human being.

I absolutely love how every generation thinks they have invented hooking up. Listen, you’re not Turing, the code has always been we’re both young and drunk and in the same room or could be if we used x technology.

you are right, you can’t win. Men never have to parse other people’s behavior at all, we just live in a gelatin of clarity and we laugh out loud together at how women are the only one’s who have to deal with other people’s misinterpretation of what we’re saying.

and you never thought you had any connection whatsoever with your philosophy professor.

To be clear, I’m not suggesting that Cosby’s monstrousness—drugging and raping dozens of women—is on par with the average dude who doesn’t get that you really don’t want to date him so he keeps calling, or keeps texting, or comes to your work three times asking for you after you’ve already said no.

these are a group of people desperately in need of help. I propose that help be in the form of military drones.

“I JUST DO THINGS”.

I think this is just super

Ok, now that I have gotten that out of the way: here’s a short list of fuck off:

I’m going to at least start with a happy one, because it makes me smile.

I will never forget Phil Hartman.