“Old man doesn’t understand how voting works, wants someone to tell him how to feel about things: The story of the 2016 Election.”

Rock is fine, git gud scrub

I wrote something similar in high school when I read the book jacket but not the book but turned in a book report anyway.

Oof. Too bad he wasn’t a sight guy.

He didn’t attend his grandfather’s funeral—the same grandfather he once called before every game.

You’d have to have a pretty crazy reason to do something like this on purpose. Schilling’s just pointing out the obvious: the person responsible clearly had a loco motive.

Curt hasn’t been this invested in a trainwreck since 38 Studios.

Joe Marina is expected to sign a contract to coach Manchester United on Thursday morning

This is a reasonable and correct take and has no place in Kinja.

Despite the fact that Simmons has, uh, limited camera appeal...

It’s all true. I have a dog and I love her to death. I also cannot wait to not have a dog. These are NOT contradictory feelings.

This is what happens when you don’t give Belichick a first round pick to trade for 5 other lower picks. Some men just like to watch the world burn.

OR WHEN THEY DON’T KNOW THE FUCKING PLU AND WONT LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL THEM IT’S 4065 FOR FUCKING GREEN BELL PEPPERS

“I said, ‘I’m not big on school,’ and I will back that up,” he says.

He throws his hands up. Don’t you get it?

“I am Vilipolvius Frenz, from the Ruanada quadrant, leader of the Gracciponides. I have transformed my energy into a ball and approached your highest energy flow, emanating from what appears to be a a slow-moving but birdlike and willowy warrior. Now that I have made my way into your earthen vessel, may I speak to the…

My 4 year old daughter and I were watching a How It’s Made episode about super cars. They showed the process of collecting untreated cow skins and turning them into leather seats, and my daughter was very interested in this whole process. I tried to explain that we raise and kill cows to eat, and then we are able to…

I fell in love with this shit when I was living in the Netherlands.

I’m a Pats fan and this just embarasses me. We need to get back to what real football should be about: pelting Goodell’s Maine home with poop-filled paper bags, not filing frivilous lawsuits.

BUY BUY BUY