I’m 110% sure ol’ Mitch puts ketchup on his.

Tom Brady didn’t PLAY in college. McCain had every opportunity as every other member of his class, and STILL graduated last. If you’re going to reach deep into your ass to pull out a sportsball analogy, at least try to get the facts right.

What little—and it was VERY little-respect I had for McCain vanished when he endorsed the man who denigrated him—and every other POW—by saying “I like the ones who weren’t captured.” Fuck Trump, Fuck McCain, fuck every last living Republican.

I totally want to hang out with that last group tbh

The natural response to that one is that a sitting President cannot be indicted by a state court.

This account feels like one of those FSB shillbots that was set up pre-election, but that has retained sentience even though its handlers have moved on to new targets, and is desperately trying to make sense of a rapidly changing world.

#lowenergy

Tip of the hat to the first enterprising escort in Oxford who changes her name to Miss Dial.

Right, didn’t we hear that Trump is afraid of taking the stairs?

“He moves around it calmly, reloading his gun several times, firing off at least 18 shots”

It’s a party where you reveal the gender of your in utero baby to the rest of the world, presuming that everyone cares as much about this as you do.

Woooooah!

“Will Smith has already been slated to play the Genie, while the role of Jaffar is being shopped to “known names” (it’s definitely going to be Johnny Depp, isn’t it).”

“I still support him financially and I’ll always be there for him in every way”

“Do you have plans to get a job?”
“Well, no, not at the moment, bu—”
“No diploma for you!”
[one year later]
“Hi, I’d like to apply for this job?”
“Sure, do you have a diploma?”
“Well, no, becau—”
“Sorry, no diploma, no job!”
[Goes back to Chicago Schools]
“So, look, I need that diploma to apply for this job.”
“Sorry, you didn’t…

Converting to the LDS church and immediately taking his 2 year mission.

I had a meeting with a senior VP from Costco last year, and at one point remarked that my favorite lunch at age 40 is the exact same thing as my favorite lunch at age 15: a Costco hot dog (with mustard and onions) and soda for $1.50. He told me “That’s my favorite, too, and that price is going to stay the same as long…

The only books he has read are the ones he “wrote,” the only TV shows he has any awareness of are the ones he was in (Apprentice, assorted pageants, Fox and Friends), the only movies he can cite are the ones in which he had a 5 second cameo.

Impressive ethnic diversity in that police department! Looks like they have men of German ancestry, Irish ancestry, English ancestry, French ancestry, and Welsh ancestry. A real melting pot.

“I didn’t say Lamar is terrible, I said Phil is terrible because he tried to HIRE Lamar. Sheesh!”