I honestly don't get the obsession with multi-day battery life in watches—don't most people take their watch off when they sleep? So, um, charge your watch overnight. Honestly, as long as the watch can make it 14-16 hours at a stretch, AND has a simple/elegant method for charging (i.e., you don't have to lug 14…

In my experience, the thing that kills Chrome for Mac is when you use it as it was intended to be used.

Implant a "golden ticket" inside a python, let Florida hunters know that the python with the golden ticket inside is worth $50,000. Problem solved.

A close analysis would reveal the pubic area of the model in question to be entirely shorn of hair, thus the complaint has no basis in reality and should be discarded.

You mean "well regarded person in [industry] seems to know about younger people in the same industry who people not in that industry might not know that much about?" Holy shit, FOR REALS?

"Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson are asking for "at least $20 million each, plus a percentage of the back end" for the next 50 Shades movie"

If only there had been some way to record who it was who took his stuff.

If you're staying at a nice hotel, tip the ever loving shit out of the guy doing valet parking, and ask him.

The other restaurant is unable to provide complimentary desserts on your birthday because this restaurant stole all the ice cream.

My wife's boss used to sign off with "Thanking you in advance," which I think was genuinely him trying to be polite, but pissed the hell out of everyone in the workplace.

"He wasn't alone—the likes of Brian McCann, Jacoby Ellsbury, Stephen Drew, and Mark Teixeira all went hitless, and Chris Young struck out."

I was hoping this was going to be some sort of man-on-the-street bit where he got people to explain why they don't vaccinate their kids, and then had a doctor pop out of a box and point out just exactly how they are wrong.

I see what you did there, you magnificent bastard.

I'm going to guess that, once they get down to brass tacks, the science behind this thing amounts to 20% of the hurdles they have to overcome, and actually finding and buying (or taking) the land for the track amounts to 80%.

How would you keep the head alive during the transplant? Wouldn't the brain need massive blood flow during the presumably really long procedure? How would that work?

"Notably, of all the people who have offered descriptions of what's on the tape, not one claims to have actually seen it."

Guy at the first store I went to gave me the 1/6 salary line, and I said "do you have any idea how brutally my wife would murder me if she found out how much I spent/wasted on her ring?"

I struggled mightily with all this shit when I went to the big jewelry stores prior to proposing. Cut, clarity, grading—ack! Intimidating...and crazy expensive. Then I found a nice vintage jewelry store that had a cool collection of older diamond rings from the 1920s. The one I picked out has a filigree band that…

Yeah, I read that and was like "uh, by day 2, the rats had eaten the mice, and then everything just went on just as it has before the mice were introduced."