Well, hold up, are you saying replace half the liquid with vodka? That's a different story. I thought you meant replace half the total volume with vodka. That's doing to lead to some passed out high schoolers.

A high school kid drinking 22 oz. of vodka? Yeah, I think an adult (or any sentient human with an IQ >20) would figure out that something was amiss.

"You can hardly smell dem Honey Nut Cheerios."

He has a rapsheet??!?!? You think we should alert the fuzz, get the boys downtown to go collar the perp?

"I see you've drawn a picture of a pig pooping on its own balls. For the last time, Lupica is NOT eligible this year."

Or they'll keep the vote and strip that person of his or her vote in future elections. I mean, that's the obvious outcome, no? Wonder why this person is so anxious to give up his/her vote.

David "Scrappy/Consistent/Coincidentally White" Eckstein, obvs.

"Her death-by-stoning will spare her poor children a lifetime of shame of having a whore for a mother."

"Force fed" is probably the wrong term. Threatened that if they don't bulk up from 240 to 265 they're going to lose their scholarship? That's probably the correct phrasing. For the sake of brevity, I'd say "force fed" works just as well.

I have no idea why he'd react so poorly to the sight of a curly haired dude yelling at him.

One question: has Florida State initiated its own investigation? Federal law (specifically, the Clery Act) says very clearly that the school must COMPLETE an investigation within 60 days of the original complaint, or risk a substantial Title IX complaint. This is serious shit if FSU has not done its own investigation,…

Can you do a table that would attempt to correlate number of qb's with overall winning percentage? Ideally it would distinguish between situations where someone like Roethlisberger gets injured and his backup plays a few games, and situations where a team cannot actually decide between which of their bad QBs should…

You have to put Barry Bonds on the list of athletes who are/were dicks to everyone. I was a batboy for a NL team when he was with the Pirates, and one day he jogged past as the other batboys and I were standing around in the outfield during batting practice. He stopped, looked at the one batboy who wore an earring,…

You realize "the end" referred to in the title has nothing to do with the decision, right? (Spoiler alert: I don't think you do.)

I think your sympathy for Dana is based on the fact that he reminds you of yourself, and you sound like a real horrible person.

Her low-calorie cocktail sounds possibly vile? It's Bacardi rum, raspberry-lemonade flavored Crystal Light and a splash of Sprite Zero.

Yeah, my wife went through some fertility concerns for about 8 months (really not that long at all, all things considered), and that was pretty stressful. Can't even imagine what it must be like to literally have magazines speculating about the condition of your womb for the past ten years.

James Dolan submitted this photo as proof that 80% of Knicks fans approve of his decision to recast the Knicks City Dancers as improv comics.

I'm convinced the reason the SUV was invented was so dudes could go on midnight runs to dispose of their embarrassing mattresses. Nobody wants to put a hideously stained mattress out in front of their own house.

She's nowhere NEAR David Beckham on the "huh, the voice does NOT sound like what I was imagining" scale.