The guy picked up a surplus US Navy bag in Orlando, took a boat to 200 miles off of India, dumped the bag into the ocean, tagged the location on his GPS system, and then he'll bring his rich investors out, bring up the bag he dumped, and ZOMG it is empty!11!1!1!!!

For guys who love scalp massages and have accommodating wives/gfs/partners, go on eBay and buy yourself a "Stimulax" (I know, bad name) by Oster. It is basically a motor that attaches to your hand, and vibrates your fingers/palm super fast so you can run your hand over someone's head and give them the best scalp…

That's one way to look at it. The other way to look at it is that this mohawk-having mouse is now going to freak nasty with all the lady mice that would have previous ignored his bald-ass self, and will produce LIT-ER-ALLY thousands of baby mice.

I prefer the George C. Scott version, personally.

1997 called, they have this awesome band called the "Cranberries" they want you to check out.

Please, Lord, let me never get so famous that horrible relatives and hangers-on feel that they will profit by going on horrible TV shows and saying horrible things about me. Amen.

In the NFL's announcement of New Orleans's penalties, they made it quite clear that shit floats upward, and failure to control or monitor the team played a large role in the punishments.

Agreed. And she needs to do it quick before BofA realizes it's in their best interest to have an underwater mortgage held by a living person as opposed to a deceased person.

There is one thing that edgy comedians cannot hide from, and that is age. They get older. As you get older, you stop being edgy. If you are successful enough in your youth that people WANT you to keep producing material as you get older, you also have lots more money, and you develop a love of comfort and the finer…

So the boat is always mostly-filled with water? Small wave, boom, that thing's on the bottom of the lake instantly.

Yes, rolling a strike by actually attempting to roll a strike certainly flies in the face of everything I've learned (or thought I had learned) about bowling.

LaRon Landry would like you to know he's known all along that Braun wasn't guilty.

I think the REAL value that "sleazy" publications provide is that they allow more "respectable" publications to talk about the same story, but secondhand. It's like my proper aunt, who will never gossip, but who will ALWAYS criticize others for gossiping—and of course she has to tell me what the gossip was, as she…

Go back and watch that video of her being interviewed a few days after the Planned Parenthood thing, and THEN tell me that "off-putting brittleness" isn't a perfect description for her.

Bush Administration? Ethics violation? Heh, that's a good one.

"That's funny, I thought the mission of the Army, and the Navy, and four services was to defend and protect us, not the people who were fighting the war."

Him?

Poor him, breaking up right before Adele becomes fluuuuuuuuuush with caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaash.

That is LITerally the most fortified sniper's nest I have ever seen, in my life.

If they had asked for permission, I'm sure the article would have said that. It didn't, therefore I'm reasonable certain they did not.