One problem. Buffalo - simply by living there - makes you do drugs.

but don’t we kinda wish he did?

i just realized that Damon Wayans could probably do a mean voice impression of Ben Carson

should get Jeb! on Kinja

Lowered Expectations!

I heard she plays Tom Cruise’s beard!

I want Sledgehammer! next!

I once woke up and my arm had fallen completely asleep and was laying like a dead weight on my chest. It was clammy and felt completely disconnected.

i was going with Loaded Weapon 1. Cause I’m that kinda nerd.

HATE meetings. I’ve always thought - if it’s a company wide meeting, then it’s probably not specific enough for me to care about or to attend. So I hide under my desk. Or smoke a doobie in the parking lot.

waking up without your dick.

when are they going to test the vapors shooting out of the moon for microbial life?

I’m calling him the “English Patient” from now on.

Freddy Krueger pre-burns?

One of us! One of us!

they would too - but - they should have probably in ‘08 - and since ‘12 we’re in that beautifully coifed head

Leave Dunkin Donuts alone. It’s suffered enough.

“What am I, chopped liver?”

This is absurd, even for a rabid fan like myself, but somewhere, you gotta figure Tom Brady hopes the Giants don’t make the playoffs.

I take your point, no doubt.