Really? That breaks my heart. :(

You just described my utopia.

The worst thing about this is that it's just a form letter he sends to anyone he finds attractive/interesting. I actually don't hate all of the content. I think he's trying to be cute. But I don't need any cute form letters, thanks.

This is a thing. I only wish it were "code brown"!

This is the best possible answer.

True story. He is seriously the one actor that makes me blush uncontrollably.

Let me tell you what. This happens in EVERY office building EVERYWHERE. I know, because I've been the person who gets the "Um, I think someone pooped in the elevator" calls.

According to IMDB, yes!

REALLY? Wow. I feel like I paid less than that at Banana Republic or something.

I want that life. Gotta get some white pants.

I know it. Whites do not do any favors for my skin tone.

Wait a minute, $248? What the hell is $248 at The Limited?

No. You are 100% right on all accounts. I agree that it's bad, but I still watch it.* People like to watch silly shows while wearing their white pants and drinking bowls of wine.

I hope that's a real thing.

I highly anticipate the results!

I just don't think I could keep that much cream and ivory clean. I spill a lot of food on myself.

I think you've slunk away, but I just want to point out to any impressionable youths that this:

This is quite possibly the single best piece I have ever seen on Jezebel.

WHAT.

Yeah I agree. Easing up on gay marriage, awesome. Consistently chipping away to take away my rights, not awesome.