I was getting concerned that it had been over 24 hours since Deadspin’s last “that’s not how an elbow works... oh my gaawwwddd!” video

This A-Rod fiasco (just this one) has made me realize something I didn’t know about myself. I really thought I wouldn’t care how he went out. But apparently, I’m a little OCD. Because I just want him to reach 700 home runs! Why won’t they let him top off that weird number?!

Never gonna get another book deal with that attitude.

Life hack: if your answer is “no,” then the meaning of the question becomes irrelevant

This is crazy. How the fuck is ‘Sex’ winning? It’s OBVIOUSLY cocaine. Even Urban Dictionary knows that: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?ter…

And I was going off the director’s commentary. I haven’t watched or read about it in a long time. My first big breakup happened right before the movie came out and I was all emo and stuff and it spoke to me.

No, you trust Wikipedia as gospel, Hawking. It clearly says fragment of a dummy round. As for the fragmentation, you do realize that even full-force bullets don't fragment when they fire, right DeGrasse Tyson?

An accident waiting to happen?

Regular guns don’t work against good guy guns. That’s why it’s so important for the good guys to have guns.

Anyone who can’t learn those simple rules has no business carrying a gun. The end.

(Well, that’s kind of the point of training.)

The Four Rules

So there’s no trace whatsoever? Even if we can’t see each other, it would be nice to see some kind of a sign, that the other player is there. Something like the signs you leave in Dark Souls games.

I see no problem with the underwater cameras, I see a problem with freaking out over seeing a woman’s nipple, especially in this context. They’re not sex objects, they’re athletes competing. This view gives a good look at a sport where a lot more happens under the surface of the water than the casual fan realizes.…

A Cardinals fan just told me that the Cardinals invented bunting, perfected it, and are now angry that other teams are using it in a vulgar and profane manner.

i also piss in the sink

Only a fool fucks with Phelps when he’s in compete mode.

And fuck all this nonsense about him partying when he’s not swimming. That man has spent more time honing himself into the perfect swimmer than any of us have spent doing anything (including jerking off). He ought to have a life permit to party the fuck down…

If it makes you feel better, I would 100% read your memoir/novel.

Oh fuck me. This is the very particular brand of lower middle class white trash Ohio seems to grow like it’s the only thing our soil supports. From the hard slick back ponytails to the Midwestern mommy facebook outrager version of the “I want to talk to the manager, never mind lets beat some ass” haircut, Sams club…

Is that... unusual? I know we don’t really use the metric system, but it’s still the globally dominant form of measurement.