Gopwin’s law?

You sound like a moron.

Give him a break. His job is to set off fireworks when the Indians hit a home run. He probably didn’t even know what that button did.

Boy, is he red-faced.

He got off lucky. No one was there to see it.

I’ve taken steroids and I’ve smoked weed. One is a PED and one makes movies fun.

Anderson Silva got 1 year for PEDs so this is pretty random and crazy. It’s almost like they called Roger Goodell and asked what the best punishment for him was.

I know that driving home from the game after you got ejected sucks, but you really shouldn’t browse the internet on your phone while you’re driving.

Shake weight while holding a barrel

But she lies and says she’s actually 34 cans.

“You can tell they really enjoy being with each other,” she says. “They both have a great sense of humor and feed off each other really well.”

In a few weeks we’ll find out Kostek is actually 40 cans of Bud Light in a wig.

“Rashad, don’t score. I’ve got the Cowboys D in my FanDuel league, and I could win $500 here.”

You mean this guy?

“Whatever you do, don’t give us an insurmountable 10 point lead.”

We’ve seen some impressive displays of self-control from rookies so far. This thing with Cooper and last night’s Mincey-Flowers scuffle could’ve easily ended in brawls and double ejections and instead the rookies ended up being the bigger men and not being drawn into stupidity. It’s good to see younger guys thinking…

See, Cooper knows that if he doesn’t say this sort of thing, then it means he’s a pussy and Richie Incognito will start joking about raping his sister. He gets the NFL culture!

Cooper said he shouldn’t be suspended either.

I am clearly a lady Jesus because I find myself capable of having sympathy for lots of people simultaneously.

And then your friend heard him terminated the engagement and joined you in firing him to pluto in a bucket, yes?