Yes, the wavelength where direct expression and sarcasm aren't baffling phenomena hopelessly entwined with the ineffable mysteries of existence — but instead are just another set of signs to be decoded, in a way that any moderately bright high-school sophomore can probably manage.

So it becomes quite difficult to interpret what these points actually ARE, because he's making a straightforward point in one line and then saying something sarcastically in the next,

But I haven't fisted a sheep in, like, three weeks now. That Little League World Series was really compelling.

You lying Cretan.

Oh, like you wouldn't jump at the first opportunity to bro it up with Hipster Jon Stewart if he sat down next to you.

They secretly can't wait for Janeane Garofalo to take over. NOW THAT KID LOOKS TOUGH!

Then wouldn't this post be put in the category of "not leading to anything" as well?

I can barely tell the difference between a Bills tailgate and a 1970s Manchester coal-plant union protest.

Our backyard, which was full of pine trees, had been decorated by VCR tape. All night I watched that tape blow in the wind, fascinated by what my mother would say when she came home from work. I remember waking up that night to the sound of her crying.

We willingly fuck up our Thanksgivings—giving up one of the few days off we get a year to spend with family—watching our team drown the fun out of a great sport like some batshit postpartum mom.

I am now 30 years old. The prime of my life is gone. I work, I'm married, I'm thinking about having kids.

Asking a sportswriter to expand on a hypothetical "unsustainability" is like asking a newscaster to expand on the phrase "You heard it here first!" It's just a media placeholder meant to distract attention from a segue to an unrelated topic.

I live my life in baker's dozens thanks to this garbage.

You do make it seem like there's a strong link between vaping and having an exceptionally belligerent personality, though.

A Gawker headline that reads "America Is Not For Black People." Hmm.

The flag on the helmet was obviously enlarged for the sake of Tampa's many, many elderly residents, who have been begging the team for a large font edition for decades now.

I don't know about you, but I have a new favorite superhero now.

Standing ovation. This is one of the best-researched pieces I've ever seen on Deadspin. Holy moly, where do you guys keep the DHOF ballots?

If you're truly batting 1.000 on this matter, then I have to suggest that maybe you're just exceptionally skilled at feeling insulted.

Really, this issue couldn't be more black and white.