wow, the one deadspin commenter who isn’t a lawyer

before you get all crazy with his commitment as a coach it’s actually a tape of her fucking the guy from the front desk from the last road trip

I sleep 8 hours a night, spend time with my wife, don’t answer e-mails off hours and I’ve NEVER been fired by the Dolphins.
Check and mate, shitbrains.

“Fueled by five or six 20-ounce cups a day from the Kuerig coffee maker that is an arm’s length from his desk, and maybe a Red Bull here or there, Gase has energy like a power plant. And it doesn’t wane in the wee hours”

I feel Europe’s elite clubs have never properly evaluated the potential benefits of the 0-10-0 formation…

I know it’s good fun to rag on Manchester United, but I think they have a legitimate shot at avoiding relegation this season. 

Love to write shitty Penthouse Forum letters about my sex life that also mention superfluously that I went to Harvard.

And I would do ANY THING FOR LOVE...oh I would do anything for love...but I won’t douthat....no I won’t douthat 

I think a “chunkier Reese Witherspoon” is called a Reese’s Witherspoon.

I googled their owner Steve Ross to see what he looked like and the majority of the hits were for Bob Ross’ son, Steve, who looks like someone Michael Myers would have killed in the 80s

Can you please explain this to my wife?

Tin soldiers and Trump’s comin’

I appreciate how this bold young man is calling Ross out on the mission of the charity. It’s like:

These owners really need to stick to sports.

To REALLY insult and bewilder people, I like to refer to them by an article of clothing they are wearing.

Pure, uncut condescension has staying power. Just yesterday I got a rise out of someone at the airport with a well-placed “back of the line’s over here, chief.”

My favorite insults of this non-expletive variety are the sort a grandfather might use to refer affectionately to his grandson, like “sport”, “pal” or “champ”. Call someone an asshole and odds are they let it go, but there is something infuriating and delightful about the condescension of being told, “Alright, ease up…

My mom’s text alert is the wicked witch saying “i’ll get you my pretty... AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO!  <CACKLE>“  Every time.  Not only is it cringeworthy in its own right but Jesus Christ woman, you’re 65.

“The First Pancake.”

I love swearing. A properly placed “fuck this fucking fuck” is so satisfying as an emotional release, I say it regularly as a way to avoid therapy.

I will admit though that there is something so heinously hilarious about non-expletive insults when you’re insulting another person, that sometimes it’s the superior move…