“I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICA” WHAT THE FUCK DOES AFRICA HAVE TO DO WITH AQUAMAN

(pause)

(thinks)

So... you bless the rains down in Africa... because rain goes in the ocean... and you can travel through any ocean... so Africa.

(pause)

THAT’S.

FORCED.

Oh, good, they can get Pitbull back for the theme song! It won’t be hard: just write a chorus, and then Pitbull can list every country he’s ever been in for sixteen bars (without mentioning anything about any of those countries) and boom!

Given how important international markets are nowadays to a movie’s bottom line, I can only see this title as a blatant statement of the obvious. 

Forget a CG Pinnochio: the right thing to do here is clearly to hire Roberto Benigni again.

Why is Pearl Harbor bad?

Really, you can sum it up in one sentence: It’s a movie about the Attack on Pearl Harbor made by Michael Bay.

Whatever that sentence makes you think of, it’s true. It’s a story about a real-life tragedy, made by a man with the filmic aesthetic of a five-year-old.

I hope they go the Godzilla ‘98 route and just have it rain in almost every scene. 

William Goldman on THE ROCK:

“There is a sequence in a pretty good action thriller, THE ROCK, that I hated a lot. Briefly, Nicolas Cage, an FBI man, has Sean Connery released from prison because he needs Connery’s help. Connery insists on being pampered at a first-class hotel, with room service, a tailor, the works.…

RAISIN: The show that won the Best Musical Tony, and was then immediately forgotten.

This is going to make Rachel Bloom furious.

“There have always been ghosts in the machines.

No, wait, I said that wrong.

Robots have always liked The Police’s ‘Ghost in the Machine.’”

You know, I think the movie did have something interesting in the concept of puppets being second-class citizens - which, I realized, actually makes sense, since a puppet might *look* like a human, but is naturally not as expressive as a human. That Uncanny Valley-ish “otherness” was something I hadn’t thought of…

I’m glad Bruce decided to play the Philip Glass arrangement of “My Hometown” on the Tonys.

So, does Dryden Mitchell have any more clue what to do with his body in this video?

BATMAN RETURNS isn’t a *good* movie - but it is better than the first BATMAN (a movie I’m just never going to like).

(One thing I like: The fact that Max Shreck and his son have a genuinely loving bond.)

(Also: “Ah, the direct approach! I admire that from a man in a mask!”)

(deadpan) Oh, good, Tim Rice is back...

I assume the movie will climax with his guest verse on the remix of Bruno Mars’s “That’s What I Like,” since that’s the only good thing I’ve heard from him.

“It’s Gucci Mane and Bruno
That’s one Dynamic Duo!
A lot of women want me,
But I’m in love with you, though
Your ex is unimportant
That boy can’t even afford it
I drive…

“You’re not a eunuch, are you?”

I have to wonder what Rian Johnson’s status is at Lucasfilm, given the fanboy-hissyfit THE LAST JEDI caused.

Boy, that movie plot sure sounds stimulating... let me guess: New Eden never existed, Nick Cage gets cased by Those Who Don’t Want You to Have the Truth, and eventually there’ll be a scene with two Nicolas Cages shouting at another character, “No, HE’S the real Cage! Shoot him! Shoot him, he’s the real Cage!”

Darek approves of the CHORUS LINE reference.