It can’t be Jacksonville v. New England, because there’s no way the Jaguars will get by the Panthers.

Smith followed up with, “That’s the problem with telepromter parents today.”

“Who the fuck is Matt Hasselbeck?”

Honestly, whoever cut this and approved it at ESPN deserves the first plaudits that company has earned years.

He sure don’t SOUND 6,000 years old.

This is so silly. All that the Panthers and their fans need to be focused on right now is their outstanding 7-1 start to the season.

This is an important story to report, because Hardy’s brother was in the driver’s seat. Talking to the media is not important, especially when there are unsolved crimes for the Hardy boys to investigate.

You know, Greg. If you want black marks on your face, instead of painting them on, you could do us all a huge favor and punch yourself there repeatedly.

In light of the topic of this article, here are some resources for anyone who needs help:

But aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Thank you for doing this. I hate to look at these images, but people seem to forget that this is what it looks like when a man beats up a person less than half their size.
It’s crazy because while I know this will make (likely a positive) difference, I’m sad that it’s necessary. I’m sad that it took video of Ray Rice…

This is as important a story as Deadspin has ever done. My contempt for Hardy, Jones and Goodell is matched only by my admiration for Diana’s epic reporting.

And much respect to Deadspin for not letting this one go and publishing what they have.

This is beyond horrifying.

Because given the choice between spending days, and possibly eternity, in an airless, heatless, soulless vacuum, or in space, everyone will choose space.

Chalmers: Hi yes, operator, this is Mario Chalmers and I have an issue here in the 305.

Not anymore, pal. It says up above that it got lacerated. On the bright side, it was only his kidney and not his permanent knee.

I am here to pick the low-hanging fruit.

Mularkey will be ably assisted by offensive coordinator Jim Bunkum and defensive coordinator Fred Hogwash.

99 bottles of vicodin on the wall, 99 bottles of vicodin, you take them all down, pass them around, opiate addictions due to football