That was the first of many pounds shared between them.

lol. I can't remember back to elementary—thanks mostly to lots of psychological help and heavy drinking—but in high school it was mostly "Virgin".

Interviewer: Which weighs more, a pound of bricks or a pound of paper clips?

If you straighten out the paperclip, and stick it in the tiny hole on the West side of FirstEnergy Stadium, it will reset the Browns and they can start from scratch.

"Probably just try to chase it down and dunk it."

...unorthodox solutions for problems with seemingly limited options

Finally, something produced by Deadspin that wasn't done in one of your mothers' basements, but instead was done in her living room while she was trying to watch TV, god dammit!

The Astros will be largely exempt from the new rule.

"During the second set of the match, Jankovic seemed to take issue with something that Williams was doing"

I hope this is the case. Between Sharper and Rice we are talking hideous crimes that should and would put you and I away for many, many years. The hypocrisy and ignorance aimed at sam is astounding.

I think Goodell is gonna bring the hammer down on shit like this now precisely because of what you said. And I can pretty much guarantee that Sam is going to be drafted by someone and the NFL will have a mole in whatever organization that is and if any fuckery goes on towards Sam regarding him being gay there is gonna…

Attorney: Thank you, sir, impressive credentials. Now, in your expert opinion, can you please describe for the jury what you see happening in this video?

The public will certainly get a clearer picture if the full video reportedly in the police's possession ever sees the light of day.

This piece of shit will keep his job while michael sam will have to defend himself against allegations of being a great guy.

Bob: "Do you have a point, Matt?"

Possible Costas responses:
"Are you flying standby and waiting for someone else to give up his seat?"
"I hope your flight isn't grounded by all the smug."
"I'll kill your family, you self-satisfied prick."

I'm usually not a vengeful guy, but as a true American, today I really hate: 1) Canada; 2) its President; 2) its 10 states; 3) its 3 colonies; 4) its capital, Toronto; 5) the fact that they drive on the left side of the road, like idiots; and especially 7) Justin Bieber

Kerry Rhodes: [picks up baseball]

Kate: Wolf!
Groggy roommate: Where?
Kate: No, just a regular one I think.

Half the people reading this comment won't get it, but the other half will be killed off about two-thirds of the way through the paragraph.