It’s insane to me that in the year of our Lord 2019 we’re still having “Cam Newton is selfish” conversations. The guy has had no offensive line, no noteworthy receivers, and a platoon of overrated running backs basically ever since he came in the league, and has muscled them to numerous playoff berths and a Super Bowl.

“At a drunken dorm party, a little pedophilia might seem like harmless fun. But this time...”

Then he gets to write seven different articles about how the PC Police have ruined sports!

goddammit, you got me...

My dad says it’s because he’s a quitter and only cares about collecting a paycheck instead of winning.

That is a normal collar. Move on, find a new slant.

Yet another way Star Wars ruined me: I always thought bounty hunters were supposed to be cool.

The summer between my freshman and sophomore years of college was the only summer I went home. I had an on-campus job lined up that lost funding halfway through, so I didn’t get home until mid June and it was too late to find a job (no one wanted to hire a 19 year old for a month and a half). I spent a ton of that…

“I like to have children! [I like to be a terrible husband and father]!"

“Motion to amend: that we add in the phrase ‘captured on video such that Roger Goodell might be convinced thereof’, or suchlike.”

This x 1000. I was watching watching Sasuke on G4 in the early aughts and everyone thought I was weird. 

i’m a big picture kind of guy. that speech was seen by millions of people. MILLIONS OF LIVES FOREVER CHANGED.

DAGUGGADA DAGUGGADA!!!  GAGGUGGADA DAGGUGGADA!

And now Dallas knows Washington’s game plan to run 55 times from the I-formation.

That golf course is safe from destruction. It provides a service to the denizens of the South Bay.

Seems like the venue is hard to work with: I got the impression that the Levi’s Stadium GM was rather... Mercurio.

No

My girlfriend’s sister had mono when we were all in college. I was terrified I’d get it because my girlfriend was the super jealous type and she would have accused me of kissing her sister or something. And the last thing I’d want is my girlfriend yelling at me because then my wife would find out.

Y'know, I thought I had mono once for an entire year. Turns out I was just really bored.

In the four minute video, we’re shown three different paintings of Dwight Howard as Superman.